Showing posts with label weasel words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weasel words. Show all posts

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

xkcd - Hand Sanitiser

Hand Sanitizer

20,000 for those who can't be bothered working it out.

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

BT and net neutrality.

BT - claiming in one breath they're not doing something while saying they are in the next. Via the advertising medium of a newspaper quote. (Or possibly a press release - I haven't located the original source of the quote.)

First, a brief definition: "Net neutrality": not forcing customers (or the websites providing the data they want to look at) to pay extra for bandwidth.

For example: since the iPlayer uses up more bandwidth than, say, email, this provides a headache for ISPs since it uses up a lot of bandwidth. ISPs either provide that extra bandwidth, or manage the traffic such that other traffic gets priority over iPlayer traffic.

Net neutrality (loosely - it's a bit more complicated) is the concept that while ISPs may take reasonable measures to manage their traffic, they shouldn't try to profit from it by, say, charging  either the BBC on the one hand, or those using iPlayer on the other (or even both) to prioritise iPlayer traffic.

Critics claim that opponents to net neutrality want to create a 'two tier' internet, those who are willing/forced to pay for prioritised traffic, and those who refuse/cannot afford to.

BT have a new product "Content Connect" (warning - annoying auto-play video.) Essentially a service whereby the likes of the BBC and Google (i.e. YouTube) can pay BT some money to have their content delivered faster to the user, or you, the end user can pay for faster, 'guaranteed' content.

When called on this by the Open Rights Group:
"We are talking about ISPs competing with the Internet for content delivery. Whether films, music or gaming services, the idea is that ISPs will deliver content better and more reliably than the Internet. That says a lot about the state of investment in our Internet.

"The result could be a fundamental shift away from buying services from the Internet to bundled services from ISPs: which would reduce competition and take investment away from Internet companies. That would be bad for everyone."
Or the FT:
BT is starting to sell a new service that gives broadband providers the tools to create a two-tier internet, where some video content would reach consumers in a better condition than other material.

The service devised by BT’s wholesale unit gives broadband providers the opportunity to charge content owners for high quality distribution of their video products to consumers.


BT replied:
"Contrary to recent reports in the media, BT's Content Connect service will not create a two-tier internet, but will simply offer service providers the option of differentiating their broadband offering through enhanced content delivery,"

Translation:
Content Connect will not create a two-tier internet, but will simply create a two-tier internet.

Monday, 8 November 2010

Vicks - up next: the cure for cancer

Proctor & Gamble have finally done something no other scientists have thus far been unable to do - cure the common cold. Or so they imply:


Stop Your Cold with First Defence

When you catch things early, they're easier to deal with.


So when you feel the first signs of a cold[1], Vicks First Defence catches the virus and helps stop the cold developing.[graphic of Vicks nasal spray attacking viruses][2]


Vicks First Defence - helps[3] stop your cold before it takes hold.

http://www.vicks.co.uk/first-defence/nasal-spray/ [current]


Attack is the best form of defence


Picture the scene. You’ve got a holiday coming up and, just when you should be getting excited, you feel the dreaded twinge of an approaching cold. Great.


Don’t panic! Vicks has the solution - First Defence Micro-Gel Nasal Spray. Applied as soon as you feel the first warning signs of a cold[1]. The unique Micro-Gel attacks the virus where it first takes hold[2] – at the back of your nose, traps it, disarms it and helps to remove it. When people used Vicks First Defence Micro-Gel Nasal Spray at the first signs of a cold[1], 77 per cent said they didn’t develop a full blown cold*[4]. So next time a nasty cold threatens to ruin a holiday, don’t surrender – send it packing!


Always read the label/leaflet.
*2006 consumer satisfaction survey of 90 UK users.[5]

[1] The first signs of a cold typically occur 2-5 days after catching the virus which causes the common cold. (But, as the link points out, it could be as soon as 10 hours.) The problem, of course, being that once you've started showing the first signs of a cold, the virus has been replicating busily in your body, so...

[2] It's impossible for a nasal spray to attack the virus as shown in the nose when the virus has already taken hold in the rest of the body.

[3] Weasel words.

[4] How many of those 77%[5] would have developed a full blown cold had they not been using Vicks? From the link above:
Sneezing and coughing are the body's natural efforts to eject the viruses. Fever reduces the virus' ability to reproduce inside the nose. It does seem to be likely that in those people who only experience symptoms for a few days, the immune system is functioning well.

[5] 77% of 90 UK users is... 69 people. Out of an adult population of 45,457,163 (Number of voters on 22 Feb 2006.) For the mathematicians at P&G, that's 0.00015%.

Clearly Vicks products do mitigate the symptoms of colds, but I find it highly unlikely that they can do anything about the causes of those symptoms.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Washing Ariel at 15'C. Or maybe it'd be better at 30'C after all...

Suggested by Rob[11]; first an old(er) advert...



Hot pasta sauce. Hot chocolate sauce. Hmm - hot date.[1]

But, a cold wash. [Turns dial to 15°C][3]

New Ariel Excel Gel - it's unique new gel specially designed from scratch[6], to give outstanding cleaning from as low as[4] 15 degrees[2][3]. So now you really can, "wash on cold."

New Ariel Excel Gel. Outstanding cleaning from as low as 15 degrees.
[1] What sort of stains are Ariel alluding to here? Or is it just my mucky mind.

[2] Ignoring the hint given in the video; degrees what? Fahrenheit? Rankine? API? (There's a whole list here for those who want to examine this particular piece of stupidity.)

[3] Without looking, do you know what's the coldest cycle on your washing machine? Let's have a look a few random machines:
  • The Hotpoint 6200 series - 30°C (page 12)
  • The Creda 1000 Supaspeed[5] -  40°C (page 8)
  •  The Becko WME 72xx series - 'Cold' (whatever) but the lowest they quote is 30°C (page 18)
  • The Boshe WFC2062/05 - (you'll have to take my word on this one, but the German manual is available from their website - no direct downloads) - 30°C (page 7 of the larger manual.)
If you have one of these 'older' machines, then being able to wash clothes at 15°C using this specially designed from scratch[6] detergent is really rather pointless, unless you're prepared to go and ditch your working washer for a newer model, however; before you do...

I'm sure there are newer washing machines out there that actually would do colder, if they had two inlets; one for cold and the other for hot.

But most machines these days have only one inlet (to save on manufacturing costs - it's nothing to do with energy efficiency,) typically for  cold water (which the machine then heats if/as required - a marvelous energy saving if you have, for example, hot water produced by cheaper means other than the mains electricity - making the point of sometimes being able to wash at low temperatures rather meaningless,) but it's not unknown for you to be required to attach your hot water to it instead. Now, if you've got water pumping into your drum at - what - say up to 50°C, you're still not going to get your 15 °C wash.

[4] Weasel words.

[5] I'm sure there's another post in there, but I can't be bothered.

[6] Now, far be it for me to say, but bragging about Version 1.0 of something is not really something you should be doing.

However, should your washing not come out entirely perfect at 15 degrees curvature[2] the first time, a wonderful company have come up with a solution.

Can you guess who it is yet?</rolf harris>


Stain Removal the First Time


Some things are just difficult to get rid of, the first time.[7]

It's the same with getting rid of tough dried in stains on the first wash. [Subtitle: Not for use on wool, silk, leather.][8]

Now there's a stain remover from Ariel. [Subtitle: Tested at 30°C[9] vs. detergent alone] It helps your detergent to get rid of stains which otherwise  would may go away the first time.

More stains out, first time. New Ariel Stain Remover. Discover the complete range with confidence. Guaranteed results or your money back. [Subtitle: Return survey+deposit[10]. Conditions apply. For details ariel.co.uk]
[7] "Have you tried Ariel Detergent 15°C V1.0 and found it lacking?"

[8] Do not use on the leather jacket you wore on that messy hot date[1] Or on her silk stockings.

[9] Hmm. Why won't this new one work at 15°C then? I wonder. Perhaps you should have tried V1.0 at 30°C after all. Oh[3] - you did? As you were...

[10] What's all that about then? You need to leave a deposit to get your money back?

[11] As Rob pointed out:
The website:
The blurb:
"The gel has been specifically designed to work right into your fabrics, offering outstanding stain removal and brrrrilliant results even at low temperatures. No wonder consumers are saying it's one of the most brrrilliant detergents they've ever used!"

(Not this particular consumer; it's no better than Lidl own brand detergent, just brrrrrrilliantly more expensive)

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Carling - Taste Lock Can

Carling [current - the archive isn't too good; sorry] have found something 'new' to sell their brand of fizzy alcoholic drink.

The "Taste Lock Can" (this image is a collage from selecting points 1, 2 and 3 on the can):



Without wanting to sound too geeky[1], everyone at Carling is really excited[2] about our new Taste Lock Can, so we’d like to take a minute to tell you why!

(1) Improved seam:
Our improved seam around the top of the can gives ultimate protection[3] for the beer inside[4], locking-in the great taste[5] of Carling and preventing it from developing a 'tinny' taste.[6]

(2) 2 stage 'in-can' liner:
The two stage in-can liner covers the inside of the can to protect the beer from the metal of the can itself[4][7], ensuring that the great taste[5] of Carling isn't affected by any 'tinny' flavours.

(3) New, improved cold indicator:
The new cold indicator (in the shape of a padlock) uses innovative[8] Theromochromic ink to turn blue when the beer inside is at the perfect temperature for you to enjoy. Simply put the cans in your fridge and you can tell when it's ready to drink by checking that the padlock has turned blue. Perfect cold Carling[9] - every time!
[1] Nothing geeky about this at all

[2] Maybe everyone in the marketing department might be, but I suspect that's about it. I'm not sure that the factory workers on the shop floor are ecstatic about this new marketing ploy.

[3] This bit wouldn't be lost in a condom commercial.

[4] Which raises the question: what on earth have they been using up until now? Sub-optimal seams? Leaky seams? Bare metal?

[5] As anyone who drinks more than just cheap/mass produced lager will know, this is debatable. Also, see [9].

[6] One wonders how they're preventing the 'tinny' taste from the opening when the lager is poured out of the can (or, as most chav's drink it, straight out of the can.)

[7] I do believe that this is a legal requirement. Certainly it is a physical requirement. For instance baked bean tins must have an interior coating (usually some sort of plastic - of which there has been some controversy) to stop the acid in the sauce reacting with the tin coating of the can itself. Carbonated drinks (like cola, and fizzy lager) are also acidic.

[8] Thermochromic ink's may have been "innovative" back in the 1970's when they were first discovered. Or in the late 1980's when they were used on T-shirts, Or maybe as late as 2002 when Newcastle Breweries stuck a star on bottles of their Newcastle Brown Ale that turned blue at the 'correct' temperature (12°C.) But in 2010, from Carling? Hardly.

[9] As most drinkers of more than just the cheapest larger will attest, the colder the drink you're drinking, the less taste it has. Some have even postulated, that the reason mainstream lagers, in general, are served so cold (4°C or below) is so that you can't taste them.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Dettol - germy soap dispensers...

Protection from Germy Stuff

Hands touch some germy(1) stuff.(2) And those germs can end up on your soap pump.(3)

Fact: Your soap pump can harbour hundreds of bacteria. (Scary sound effect.)(4)

But now there's the Dettol No-Touch Hand Wash System.(5)

It senses hands, and dispenses soap which kills 99.9%(6) of bacteria. And it's enriched with a moisturising ingredient to help care for your hands.

The Dettol No-Touch Hand Wash System. Never touch a germy soap pump again.

Here we go again. Dettol spouting utter bollocks again.

(1) Are they advertising this thing to kids? What sort of word is 'germy' to be using with adults?

(2) So what. That's what washing your hands helps to get rid of.

(3) Unless you're keeping your soap pump in a clean-room, and steam-cleaning it (unless it has larval bacteria on it - you might need Dettol Complete Clean for that circumstance) every hour, it's going to end up with germs on it regardless of whether it's being touched or not. Merely bringing your hands close to it is probably sufficient to add some more germs. What's that you say? You have to wave your hands at this dispenser to get it to dispense some goo?

(4) Scary!!! Though that said, once you've got your soap (and bacteria) from your (bog standard) dispenser - what are you going to do? Wash those germs off! Isn't that the sort of point of any soap dispenser?

(5) The wonders of technology, eh? Lets invent a solution, and look for a problem, shall we?

(6) Weasel words. It either kills all germs, or there's some non-round number of germs it does kill. All but 0.1% is not a 'non-round' number.

I'm just wondering
a) How many batteries this thing uses.
b) How you sanitise the thing after you've changed the batteries/changed the empty soap dispenser when you've done so using your germ covered hands, since you can't use the bugger to wash the germs off until you've performed the change.
c) What comparable research Dettol have done on the bacterial level on soap bars. With or without pubes ;)

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

I believe in women's rights...

... So did Muhammad [current].


I believe in women's rights. So did Muhammad. Sultana Tafadar - Barrister.

This would be the same Muhammad/Mohammad/Muhammed... (the alternative spellings go on and on,) who('s followers) espouse such great rights for other groups such as homosexuals[1], members of other religions[2], and those who wish to leave Islam altogether[3] would it? I'm assuming so, since Sultana says in her speil:

Working as a barrister at a leading human rights firm, I often get asked the question:  how are you able to reconcile your choice of profession with Islam’s views regarding the role of women?  The question usually stems from the false presumption that Islam sees women as unequal to men. This could not be further from the truth. (see [6] below) My answer is that there is no conflict to reconcile.

Oh, and lets not forget women's rights [4] [5] [6] [7].

This advertising (Cranmer's photo appears to be in an underground station judging from the curved wall) is either absolute bollocks and is trying to gloss over the darker side of Islam, or Muhammad has a lot of followers who didn't bother listening to him and/or are willfully misinterpreted his teachings.



[1] "Both the Qur'an and the hadith have been generally interpreted as condemning sexual relations between persons of the same sex."
[2] "However, Jews and Christians have not been completely responsible with their revelation and should still be called to the Muslim faith."
[3] "But is the death penalty for apostasy really “good” for Islam and Muslims? Does it prevent apostasy? The death penalty may indeed discourage some from apostasy, but it would also encourage hypocrisy. And is it really better to have a lot of hypocrites among Muslims than to have a lot of apostates?"
[4] "The women are killed, police say, because they failed to wear a headscarf or because they ignored other "rules" that secretive fundamentalist groups want to enforce."
[5] "In India a 2001 ''acid attack on four young Muslim women in Srinagar ... by an unknown militant outfit, [was followed by] swift compliance by women of all ages on the issue of wearing the chadar  (head-dress) in public.'' "
[6] "They have fewer rights than men in family matters; their freedom of movement is restricted; and their economic opportunities and rights are limited. Frequently, women’s actions and choices hinges on the permission or wishes of their mahram (i.e. husband or closest male family relative)."
[7] "Women in Saudi Arabia should give their breast milk to male colleagues and acquaintances in order to avoid breaking strict Islamic law forbidding mixing between the sexes, two powerful Saudi clerics have said."

Sunday, 28 March 2010

...except possibly at Alnwick.

Holiday time. Just been in York, England for a long weekend and found a couple of things, that while not strictly advertising, are certainly bollocks.

First up, Marygate



Above may be seen a facsimile of the type of shutter which was used in medieval times to guard the bowman against a return flight o farrows. The abbey wall which is 13th and 14th century is unique in that its battlements retain the grooves fror these shutters which swing on trunnions the wooden guard after the bowman had fired his arrows in quick succession was swung own to protect him.
The grooves do not exist anywhere else on the City walls and it is doubtful if there are any others in England except possibly at Alnwick.
Weasel words if ever I saw them. Sounds like someone's not doing their research. Or at least not sufficiently.

For the interested, two shots showing what it's talking about, and a Google Street-view for those who may want to wander:



View Larger Map


Next up, not too much further away (and excuse the quality - shot taken at night on a Nokia 3310) in High Petergate:

SIR THOMAS HERBERT 1606-1982 lived hereabouts. A Parliamentarian, he later became a Groom of the Bedchamber and a close friend of King Charles I. He stayed with him on the night before his execution and attended him on the scaffold.

All of the other plaques of this type I saw in York said "XXX was born here" or "XXX lived here" etc This one just seems a bit too woolly, and again, showing an apparent lack of research.




View Larger Map

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Dettol Complete Clean - kills the bacteria that live in lava?

Whatever:


Cleaner than Lava
(Links go to visit4info.com.)
Fact: Some bacteria are almost(1) indestructible. They can even survive in lava(2).
So think how easily the bacteria in your kitchen can survive(3).
Most spray cleaners only do half the job because they can leave bacteria behind.(4)
New Dettol Complete Clean cuts through tough grease better than the leading cleaners(5), and kills 99.9% of bacteria.(6)
Giving your surfaces a complete clean every time. For the dirt you can see and the germs you can't use Dettol Complete Clean.
(1) Weasel word alert. All bacteria can be killed, one way or another. Radiation and extreme heat/pressure for example.


(2) Absolute bollocks (unless the lava has cooled to such an extent that it's no longer in the state any reasonable person would call lava - i.e. glowing red hot and possibly flowing, as 'indicated' in the advert.) Hyperthermophile's (currently the bacteria generally agreed to be the most viable at high temperatures) can live at temperatures of up to 122°C, but beyond that, while they may survive they aren't actually going to be doing very much. One that was heated to over 130°C only started becoming functional again once the temperature was lowered. Lower it to room/body temperature and it's going to become inactive again. Think about what happens to regular bacteria once you stick them in the freezer.

Take the temperature above 150°C and the cohesion of DNA (and other stuff the bacteria is made of) starts to fall apart.

Lava (molten rock) is generally around 700°C-1,200°C

(3) Are we still on Lava bacteria? If so they're not going to be doing very much on your room temperature surfaces, or in your body temperature gut. And ignoring the temperature problem, how viable/'compatible' is such bacteria that would not have interacted with a human being in millennia be with such a human.

If, on the other hand, we've moved back to the more mundane bacteria you're far more likely to find in your kitchen, why bother with the lava references?

(4) Weasel words. "Most spray cleaners?" Which ones would they be? Some of Dettol's previous products perhaps? Which (other) ones are better than Dettol's?

Anyway, unless you're steam cleaning your kitchen and turning it into a clean room, you're not going to be getting rid of even most of the bacteria, no matter how fancy the spray, or the solution inside.

(5) Weasel words again. Better than the leading cleaners? What about some of the other cleaners that aren't so leading. Leading how, by the way? Unit sales? Volume of product? Sale by value? Over what geographical area....

(6) So what about the remaining 0.1% that could bench-press a truck? Why isn't it killing that last 0.1%? Should we be worried about it? Incidentally since there are numerous other products that claim to kill 99.9% of bacteria, Dettol's product wouldn't appear to be that much better than the competition.

Monday, 22 March 2010

Walker's Sensations - made with real ingredients

Oh really?:

Sensations crisps are made with real ingredients and no artificial colours, sweeteners, flavour enhancers or MSG so go ahead and indulge yourself.



Now, I wonder what sort of other ingredients Walker's use in their non-'Sensations' crisps. Could they possibly be using non-real ingredients?

Incidentally, the Vintage Cheddar & Onion Chutney packet pictured above isn't free of E numbers, as "real ingredients" would like to suggest. If I'm reading that link correctly, it contains: E330, E160c, and E322.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Egg - Giving away 'up to' £12,500 per month for 3 months.

Egg are using weasel words to make a promotion sound better than it would, at first glance, appear.

A "reminder email" [1] informs me that:





We're giving away £50 to up to 250 lucky Egg Money customers each month. Customers who pay for something with Egg Money could be in with a chance of winning £50. And that's on purchases of all sizes – big or small. Conditions apply.
 Hmm. "Up to 250."

0 is included in that amount. They wouldn't, would they? Lets have a look at the conditions they link to:

1. When you make any retail purchase between 12 November 2009 and 31 January 2010 with Egg Money, you will automatically gain an entry into the promotion. Winner(s) will be selected on a monthly basis; transactions made during a calendar month and posted to accounts within 5 days following the end of each month will be eligible for entry in that month.


Did they really need to put the plural-s in parenthesis? That would appear to indicate that they're allowing for the possibility that could be only one winner in a month.

So how are they actually generating the winners? Well it's random. In a way that it is indeed possible, but unlikely, that there could be no winners in any one month:

7. The winner of the promotion will be an Egg Money cardholder whose last 4 digits of their 16-digit Egg Money card number match sequentially with the last 4 digits of the 6-digit sales authorisation code shown on the sales receipt following a completed merchant transaction.
So, each transaction has an authorisation number assigned to the merchant by Egg. If the last 4 digits of that code match the last 4 digits on your credit card, "You've Won!!!" Other conditions prevent you winning more than once a month.

What are the odds of you winning, provided 250 other lucky, lucky people haven't yet already?

I reckon it's 1 in 10*10*10*10, so 1 in 10,000, presuming both authorisation codes and the last 4 digits of the card are suitably random, and not skewed in any fashion.[2]

So, if you, personally, make 10,000 purchases you might be in with a good chance of being £50 better off.

That's 123.5 (roughly) purchases per day, every day, for the duration of the promotion, provided you started buying on 12 Nov 09. Relevant tidbit: Egg are notoriously stingy with their limits on this particular card (or they used to be before they re-branded it and started charging new customers £1 a month for the privilege of it bulking out your wallet/purse.)




Something that caught my eye towards the end of the T&C's (and I'm including part of clause 1 again..)
1. When you make any retail purchase between 12 November 2009 and 31 January 2010 with Egg Money, you will automatically gain an entry into the promotion.
15. The winner(s) agree to take part in reasonable publicity.

17. Participation in this promotion constitutes acceptance of these terms and conditions, including any decisions which The Promoter may take in order to safeguard a smooth proceeding of the promotion.
I can't find any way to not end up being enrolled in more advertising against my wishes - i.e. opt out of the promotion, except by not using the card.

Is this entirely reasonable?


[1] i.e. spam I didn't ask for, I'm usually most meticulous about un/checking boxes as required to only obtain necessary communications. Telling me my statement is ready, and may be viewed online I consider 'necessary,' sending me repeat emails encouraging me to use my card are not.

[2] Well credit card numbers (when considering the number as a whole, and not just any part of it) are not random. The first few digits are an Issuer Identification number and the last digit is the Luhn Number (a check sum,) making at least part of the number dependent on the rest of it.